y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
