Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
