He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
