She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
