Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
