is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Boobs are out for the taking
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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