My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
