just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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