why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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