but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
