When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
