its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
