Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
