Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Randomize
