He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
