The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
