I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
