Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
