dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
