HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
