we're blogging at a bar
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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