haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
