Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
