Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
