I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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