wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
