Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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