I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
