God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
