Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
