I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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