I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
organizing the empties. That sober.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
