just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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