Jerry, you need to find god
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
