You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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