Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
