he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
