The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize