I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
