Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
