I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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