why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
