her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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