Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm like, not good at living.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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