I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
