I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They took my balls.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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