Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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