You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
