i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
