Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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