I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
