I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
